My Destiny
by thousand-miles
Summary: Red and Lizzie are at odds. Red takes her to a cabin in the woods, but Lizzie is angry with Red and everything he does. Red is tired of her behaviour and asks her if she wants him to go. Will Lizzie ask him to go and ruin what they have and what they can be?
1. Chapter 1

Title: My Destiny

Author: thousand-miles

Rating: T

Disclaimer: don't own any of these characters. If I did, things sure would be different.

Spoilers: This takes place somewhere beginning of S2. So everything up to that could be spoilerish if you haven't seen that.

Summary: Red and Lizzie are at odds. Red takes her to a cabin in the woods, but Lizzie is angry with Red and everything he does. Red is tired of her behaviour and asks her if she wants him to go. Will Lizzie ask him to go and ruin what they have and what they can be?

A/N: A new fic. Angst. Biggest question I've been wondering lately in this show, does Lizzie even deserve Red? Reviews and follows will be greatly appreciated. No promises on the frequency of updates.

 **Chapter one**

"What are we doing here?" Elizabeth Keen asked. She was in what seemed to be the middle of nowhere, standing in front of a cabin. All she could see was snow, trees and in the short distance a lake. There was no other cabin in sight. She could be mistaken though. It was hard to see due to the time of day and the lack of light.

Raymond "Red" Reddington gently pushed the woman standing in front of him towards the door. "It's freezing. Let's get inside."

"Answer the question." She crossed her arms and glared at him.

"We are here so you can get some rest."

"I don't need any rest. Besides who are you to decide I need rest?"

He had the urge to sigh at her antics. She'd been uncooperative, rebellious and really wearing on his patience for weeks now. Nothing he said or did pleased her. He was getting tired of it. He didn't know how much longer he could take of her behaviour. This seemed like a last attempt to mend their partnership. "Cooper and I both decided you need rest."

"You talked to Cooper about me?"

He interrupted her quickly. "Cooper talked to me. He had noticed that you seem to be.."

"I'm what?"

"You are constantly agitated. So before you kill someone innocent we decided to force you into a holiday."

"It's not up to you to decide what I do or do not need." She started pacing the small hallway. "You're the one.."

He held up his hand to her, indicating he wanted her to stop talking. "I'm tired Elizabeth. I don't need to hear yet again how I ruined your life. Now I had hoped we could repair the damage to our partnership, but perhaps my hope is futile. I don't know. If you want me to leave I will, but not tonight. I need to sleep." He grabbed his bag and went upstairs, leaving her alone in the dark cabin.

She watched him walk away and sighed. She knew he was on the receiving end of her temper most of the time. It was unfair to blame him for everything, but it was much easier to be mad at him than deal with everything that was going on. She walked into the living room and switched the light on. There was a big fireplace in the middle of the back wall. There was a big couch, a love seat and a comfortable looking armchair situated in front of the fireplace. Walking past one of the other walls she let her fingers slide across the books. She always loved reading. Lately though she'd hardly read at all. She ended up at one of the big windows and looked outside. There wasn't much she could see. It was mostly snow. She could see the lake too and the pier leading into the water. She leaned her head against the cold window and sighed once more. For the first time in weeks she let herself feel how tired her body was. She shivered. She realized she was at a loss and knew that the time she was provided with was something she desperately needed. But did she need time alone or would she prefer to spend her time with Red? That was a difficult question to answer. Her heart and mind kept battling to answer the question. For these last few months she'd learned to ignore her heart, knowing that would make it all much more complicated. But even worse, she knew she wasn't ready yet to deal with what her heart was telling her. It was one of the many reasons she chose to lash out at him.

She wandered into the kitchen, which wasn't big, but there was enough space. What caught was the large window that presented another wonderful view, this time though, of the forest. She had to admit, the place felt comfortable. She felt comfortable here and she wondered if he'd known that. She searched the cabinets for a glass and wine. Finding it she pored herself a glass. She walked back into the living room and sat down in the love seat. She listened closely if there were any sounds from upstairs but heard none. She leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. She still didn't allow herself to feel everything that was going on inside her. She couldn't. She was nowhere near to being able to handle that. She realized though that in the morning she had to talk to Red and knew that moment was going to define their future and it terrified her.

Finishing her wine, she grabbed her bag and went upstairs. There were several doors, but only one was closed. She guessed that was Red's room. She looked at the other doors. She could choose the room opposite to him, next to him or the one furthest away. She went for the room opposite of his. That way he was nearby but it also showed her need for distance. At least in her mind it did. She was surprised at how spacious the bedroom was. There was a king-size bed, even a small sitting area and a luxurious bathroom. There was a big bathtub but also a bit shower. She already saw herself lying in that tub. For a fleeting moment she imagined herself lying in the tub with the man sleeping in the bedroom opposite to hers. She took a long hot shower hoping it would relax her enough to go to sleep. She changed in black boy shorts and a white tank top. Before she crawled into the bed she looked outside. That's when she noticed the door that led to the balcony. She knew she had found another great spot to read if it wasn't too cold. The love seat in front of the fireplace was her favourite for sure.

She crawled into bed and pulled the covers up high. Lying on her back she took some deep breaths. She knew another sleepless night was ahead of her. She had a decision to make, but didn't know what it was going to be. The impact of the decision overwhelmed her. Tomorrow Red was going to ask her if she wanted him gone or not. What did she really want?

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Here's chapter two. It is short, but this was the right ending of the chapter. I must say I am happy with how this chapter turned out. I hope this won't disappoint. Thank you for those who reviewed and followed. I hope you hang in there with me. I have no clue where this fic is going to go and where it will end. Nor will I know how long it is going to take. I however hope you will hang in there.

 **Chapter two**

It was early that morning when she woke up from another sleepless night. She hadn't packed for a vacation so her baggage didn't hold a lot of comfortable clothes. It was mostly business clothes. However there was a pair of faded jeans and a warm vest. She took a quick shower and put on her clothes. The house was quiet and she guessed Red was still asleep. When she opened her door she was surprised to see his bedroom door open. Glancing inside she saw the bed was made up and there was no trace of him in the room anymore. Was he gone already? Had he left her without a word? Had she really pushed him too far? She felt awful. At the thought of him gone without a goodbye she felt her body tense and tears forming. She took calming breaths as she made her way downstairs. At some point she had to face the consequences of her actions and apparently today was the day. If you push hard enough at some point there is no one left to push anymore.

Standing at the last step of the stairs she felt an emptiness within her that seemed to take control of her heart. She made her way to the kitchen and made a cup of coffee and searched again for a sign of him, but there was none. Standing at the window she looked outside. Now that it was light outside she could clearly see the woods and the lake in the short distance. She walked through the cabin to the other side. She opened the front door and noticed the car was still parked on the small drive way. Did that mean he hadn't left her? She walked outside and searched for footprints. In the snow they shouldn't be too hard to find. There were none leading to the car nor were there any surrounding the cabin. The situation confused her and left her feeling unsettled.

She returned to the house and went back upstairs to her room. She opened the door that led to the balcony and sat down in the rocking chair. It was there that for the first time in months she let herself feel how lost and confused she was. She cried, the tears running down her cheeks and her shoulders shook. She'd lost the one person who ever really loved her, her father. She'd been betrayed and cheated on by a man who had promised to love and cherish her till death parted them. And then there was Raymond Reddington. He conjured so many feelings within her. He confused her to no end. He frustrated her, angered her and pushed her buttons like no one else did. He confused her to no end. At times she hated him, wanted to punch him, sometimes she even wanted to shoot him. Other times she wanted to grab him and kiss him senseless. Whenever she was afraid or felt loss she yearned to have him close. She yearned for his closeness, to be wrapped around his body, wrapped in his arms. She never gave into any of these feelings, never thought too long about them because they confused the hell out of her. And instead of dealing with them she tried to ignore them and when that didn't work she got angry and pushed him away. All because she couldn't deal with it.

And now she realised she was all alone and not just in this cabin. She had no one anymore and that realisation hit her hard. She cried uncontrollably. She cried for her father, her marriage and Red. She'd lost it all and though she had no influence in her father's death, she'd played a big part in the failure of her marriage and an even bigger part in the failure of her partnership with Red. It was then that she got angry with herself. She grabbed her mug, threw it against the floor and screamed into the woods.

Her scream carried through the woods to a man who was making his way through them. Red stopped for a moment hearing a sound in the distance that could be a scream. He'd been walking through the woods for a while now. He'd hardly slept. He really didn't know how much longer her could deal with Lizzie's behaviour. Her constant anger hurt him. Sure there were moments when her anger was justified, but she just kept carrying it with her and was willing to throw it at him whenever she felt like it. There was more than enough guilt within him already but she seemed to just pile more on top of it. He cared deeply for her and kept showing her that he cared but she either chose to ignore it or simply didn't care. Either way she managed to crush his heart. He couldn't quite pinpoint the moment when merely caring for her turned into loving her deeply. And now he couldn't imagine his life without loving her. But what he was considering for the first time was loving her from afar and protecting her from afar. Living a life without her. He never thought that thought would ever enter his mind. It was time to say goodbye to his Lizzie and it pained his heart. Because he knew above all else that she was his destiny.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thank you for all the reviews. I am glad you like it. This is an angst fic but there will be happiness. Timeline wise, this takes place somewhere beginning S2, but don't pin me down on the details. This is also me dealing with Lizzie's behavior and anger towards Red. Where my question is, does Lizzie still deserve Red? In this chapter Red and Lizzie had a strained talk.

 **Chapter three**

He walked into the cabin and made his way to the kitchen. He didn't hear any sounds from upstairs nor did he see her downstairs. He guessed she was still asleep. He was glad for that. She needed her sleep. Lately she'd looked exhausted. After preparing a cup of tea for himself he walked into the living room and sat down. Slowly he sipped the warm tea and waited for her to wake up and tell him about her decision. A decision he would accept no matter what.

After calming down and trying to accept her faith, Lizzie knew she couldn't stay on the balcony forever. She was starting to get cold. She picked up the shards of the mug she'd thrown on the floor and closed the balcony doors behind her. Quietly she made her way downstairs and went straight to the kitchen. She threw away the shards and made herself a new cup of coffee. She wandered back into the living room, lost in thought. She didn't notice Red sitting in the armchair. She walked over to the books and slid her fingers over the book spines. The entire time she was with her back towards him and he watched her in silence. Just as she was about to grab a book he decided to speak up.

"Good morning, Elizabeth." He greeted her.

She turned around and looked at him with big eyes. "Red?" She was confused. She'd been sure he'd left. "I thought you'd left."

"Really? You think so little of me that you think I would leave without a goodbye?" He ran a hand over his rough jaw. He hadn't shaved this morning. "Should I even ask the question again? I feel like I already know the answer." He stood up and grabbed his cell phone. With his back towards her he said. "I'll call Dembe and pack my bag."

Lizzie was stunned by his words and words seemed to evade her. But she knew if she let him walk away now, he would be gone for good. She couldn't let that happen even if she wasn't sure what it was that she really wanted. All she knew was that she didn't want him to leave. "Don't." She said, though not loudly, it was loud enough to stop him from walking away.

Red turned around, his cell phone still in his hand, and looked at her. He'd been wrong, she hadn't slept at all and she still looked exhausted. He saw her eyes were welling up. He swallowed thickly. "Don't what?" He asked.

"Don't go."

"Why not?" He put his phone away in his pants pocket and crossed his arms. A defensive gesture he was all too aware of. But he had to protect himself. She was his weak spot. For her he would turn the world upside down. For her he would forget himself. But he couldn't let her hurt him anymore. It was taking its toll on him.

Why? Because she was lost without him, because she needed him in her life, because she was scared. There were enough reasons, but she had troubling voicing even one. So as she searched for the right words, she took her eyes off of Red and didn't see him walk away. "Because I need you." She finally said, but when she looked up, she was all alone in the room. On the brink of panicking Lizzie quickly put her coffee mug down and made her way to the stairs. "Red." She yelled as she watched him making his way upstairs.

He stopped on the steps. He'd never been able to ignore her, even though at times it might have been the better choice. Yet again he waited for her to talk.

"Don't leave." She said looking up to him. She could see by the way he held himself how tense he was.

"Why not, Elizabeth?"

"I'm scared Red." She admitted. It seemed to be the easiest confession.

"No one will hurt you here. I will make sure of it. I don't need to be here to ensure that."

She shook her head even though he couldn't see it. "I know that."

"Then what are you scared of?" He asked and he feared the answer to his own question.

When once again she took too long to answer, Red had his answer. "I would never harm you. I had hoped you would know that by now." Clearly whatever he had thought they'd built up together had been an illusion. An illusion he had been the only one believing.

"I'm not scared of you." She quickly said. At least not in the way you think she added in her mind. "I'm scared of everything. I've been scared for a long time now. I don't know who I am anymore. Heck I don't even know where we are." She started waving her hands around. "All I know is that you are the only constant in my life and I don't know how to deal with that. But if you leave, I am nothing anymore. I won't be able to find my way back anymore. Is that what you want?"

He'd listened to her every word and had wanted to turn around and pull her into his arms. But then she'd uttered those final words. Once again seemingly trying to accuse him. Because if he left her now, he would be the one to blame for whatever happened to her then. Lizzie knew how to play his weaknesses. "No, that's not what I want." He admitted softly. "What I want is for you to be happy and clearly I am not making you happy."

She felt she wasn't getting anywhere with him and it angered her. "Look, Red, I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know how to deal with all of this. I don't know how to heal, how to find myself again. But what I do know is that I need you to stay."

"How about what I need, Elizabeth. Have you ever considered that?" For the first time he turned around. "I refrain from being your punching bag any longer. So if I stay here, you can't keep treating me the way you have. Do we agree?" Only then he would stay.

She nodded her head. "Yes." She whispered.

"I'm serious. Next time you need a punching bag, use a real one because I will hightail out of here and then I promise you will never see me again." He warned her. He made his way downstairs again and passed her on the steps. "I'll be in the shed." He said and walked away from her.

 **TBC...**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Thank you for all who reviewed and followed. I really appreciate it. This is not a easy one to write so it takes a big longer for updates. The angst is continuing. Red is being Red. I believe he simply cannot stop caring and Lizzie seems to be unable to accept that. I hope you will like this chapter.

 **Chapter four**

They spend the rest of the morning away from each other. Red busied himself in the shed where he worked on repairing an old boat. It took his mind off of his troubles with Lizzie. It wasn't easy for him to be that harsh to her, nor did he like it. But it seemed to be the only way to communicate with her. He longed for a time to just be with her, to hold her close and frankly to never let go. But that dream would remain a dream. He was sure of it. It pained him. They had to get through this, one way or another. Whatever the outcome there would be no more doubts about where they stood after this.

It was past noon when suddenly the door opened and he heard footsteps. He didn't acknowledge her presence and kept working on the boat.

"I brought you something to drink and a sandwich."

"Thank you." It was hard for him to hear her soft, insecure voice. But he'd dealt with side of her before. He needed to know this wasn't temporary because it was what she'd done in the past.

She hesitated. She wondered what he was doing but she was sure her inquiry would be unwelcome. She felt herself getting more and more insecure. But there was something she needed to ask him. "I didn't pack any clothes for this cold. I need to get some new clothes."

"You will find more than enough clothes in the closet."

"OK." She waited for a moment to see if he would talk to her. "I'm going to go out for a walk." She turned around and made her way back to the door. Before she left he spoke again.

"Be careful out there."

"I will." She whispered before she left.

It was late that afternoon when Red finally heard Lizzie walk back into the house. She'd been gone for almost two hours and he'd been ready to call in the cavalry, worried she was lying somewhere in the snow injured.

When he heard her footsteps in the hallway he immediately walked up to her. Quickly he looked her over to make sure she wasn't injured. "Where the hell were you?" He asked, his voice raised.

"I told you I was going to talk a walk."

"You stayed away for more than an hour. I thought you'd gotten lost or injured."

She huffed. "Like you care." She muttered.

"Excuse me? What did you say?" He asked as he stepped closer. He saw she wanted to get away from him but he stopped her by grabbing her wrist. When she didn't answer he asked again. "What did you say, Elizabeth."

"Like you care." She exclaimed, but she refused to look at him.

Her words angered him greatly. If there was one thing he'd never shied away from was letting her know he cared deeply for her. That she now accused him of not caring felt like another knife in his back. "You know I care deeply. I've never pretended otherwise. Yet you chose to ignore it and preferred to focus on my flaws." He released her hand and walked away. "Don't tell me I don't care, Elizabeth."

In the kitchen he prepared a warm cup of tea for her. It would be easy to leave her be and let her take care of herself. But he couldn't. When he'd touched her he'd felt how cold she was. He knew her well enough to know she might ignore her own health. He grabbed his zipped hoodie that he'd put on the back of one of the kitchen chairs and went in search of her. She was seated in front of the burning fire place. Her head hung low which made her hair fall in front of her face.

He approached her carefully, not wanting to startle her. He wordlessly handed her his hoodie which she accepted just as quietly. He watched how she immediately put it on. He couldn't deny that he liked the way it looked on her. To stop himself from getting lost in what that thought could lead to, he handed her the cup of tea he'd made for her. "I'm glad you're okay." He whispered.

She looked up at him and once again watched him walk away from her. "Don't leave."

He sighed and took a moment before he turned back to her. "Why not?" He asked.

"I don't want to feel alone anymore." She softly said.

"I've always been here." He hesitated for a moment before he continued. "I think for a few days it will be best if we give each other space. I want us to work things out in whatever way possible. I don't want to aggravate things even more and it seems like that's what we're doing."

She tried her hardest not to get emotional. It started to feel like they were going to say goodbye after their stay here. She swallowed thickly before speaking. "If that's what you want."

He heard her voice tremble and it seemed to grip his heart. But he tried to ignore it. He tried to explain his reasoning. "I'm not going to ignore you, nor do I want you. I will cook for us so we can have dinner together. Let's give each other time to think it all through okay?" He added one a final thought. "I'm not doing this to hurt you."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** It took some time to figure out what to do with this chapter. But finally I had an idea. Another fight between Red and Lizzie but this will be the last tough one, I think. Dembe is there to give Lizzie some words of wisdom. Hopefully she'll listen to them. Thanks to those who reviewed. I truly appreciate it. I hope you will enjoy this chapter too.

 **Chapter five**

The next few days Red and Lizzie spent apart. When one was in the cabin, the other would be outside. The only time they spent together was at dinner. Not much was spoken though. The silence and tension weren't doing Lizzie any good. She hardly slept and had never felt so alone. She hadn't been taking care of herself. Quietly she joined Red in the kitchen to have another quiet dinner. She hadn't eaten much these days, but it wasn't due to Red's cooking skills. What he made always looked and tasted delicious. She took her seat at the table and watched Red set the table. He'd prepared a big pan of vegetable soup and some bread. He made sure her bowl was nice and full. He'd noticed her lack of appetite and it worried him. It wasn't easy for him to ignore his need to care for her, but he had to. If she needed him she was going to have to ask. She was going to push him away if he was going to coddle her. But when he saw her yet again hardly eating anything he knew he couldn't keep silent any longer.

"Is something wrong with the soup?"

Lizzie shook her head, but kept stirring the soup.

"You need to eat."

She put the spoon down and pushed her bowl of soup away. Red also put his spoon down and looked at her with his head tilted. ""You're not taking care of yourself." He admonished.

"I'm doing just fine."

"Really?" He stood up from the table and took a step towards her. "You're hardly eating, you're hardly sleeping. How is that taking care of yourself?"

Seeing him approach her made her stand up quickly and move away from him. "Stop it, okay. I know how to take care of myself. Stop treating my like a child."

"Then start behaving as a grown up." He countered. Their fights never seemed to lead to something productive.

"All I am to you is a means to an end. That's it." She crossed her arms and glared at him. "You need me because you need the FBI."

Red shook her head at her words. "Then you don't know me at all." Had he really been so foolish to believe in what they were and what they could be? Love blinded people and it seemed like it had blinded him too. "You're free to come and go as you please."

"Right." She said, the sarcasm obvious in her voice. "You're making me believe I have a choice, like a good puppet master does, but I have none."

Her refusal to accept him hurt him deeply. "Your need to keep ignoring what's happening right in front of you, will destroy us. I'm right here." He hardly ever raised his voice at her, but he had done so now. "I'll give you a choice, Elizabeth." He paused. "Tell me to leave."

"Right." She didn't believe him for one bit. "As if you would really leave."

"Yes, I would. But your problem is that if you tell me to leave, you can no longer blame me for leaving. It will be your fault and your fault only. There will be no one to blame but yourself. I will ask again. Tell me to leave."

"Fine, leave." She screamed at him.

"Very well. I will call Dembe and ask him to pick me up." He quickly left her alone and went upstairs to grab his bag. While waiting for Dembe Red made a quick phone call to Harold Cooper telling him he was no longer working together with the FBI.

A few minutes after that phone call, Lizzie's phone rang. Not looking at the caller id she answered the phone curtly. "What?"

"Agent Keen." The authoritative voice of her boss came through the phone. "Explain to me why Reddington just ended the taskforce." He demanded.

"He what? When"

"He called me a few minutes ago. Fix this or bring him in Agent Keen."

She stared at the phone for a moment. Red had just ended the taskforce? Did that means she no longer had a job? Were they no longer partners? Was this their final goodbye? Was telling him to leave the final words she would ever speak to him? Before she could storm up to him there was a soft knock on the door. It was probably Dembe ready to pick up Red. Still angry she opened the door with more force than usual. However when she saw the tall, muscular man with gentle brown eyes greet her with a small nod her anger abated.

"Dembe." She greeted him.

"Agent Keen." Dembe looked over Lizzie's shoulder to see if he could spot his friend. When he didn't he knew he had some time. "Could you step outside with me for a moment?"

"Of course."

"Don't forget your coat." Dembe said when she was about to step outside without one. "It is cold."

"Are you certain of what you are about to do?" Dembe asked her when she joined him outside.

"What do you mean?" She shoved her hands in her coat pockets and moved around a bit to keep warm.

"You are asking him to leave. Are you ready to live your life without him?"

"I…" She hesitated. She really wasn't sure if she was ready to let him walk out of her life. "He's the one who's walking away."

"I do not believe that is true. Raymond would never walk away from you unless you asked him too."

She'd never heard Dembe talk this much. Apparently when he did speak, his words were powerful. "I don't know what to do anymore." She admitted. "Everything is so jumbled and yet he is always just…right there…just out of reach."

"Because you keep him out of reach." Dembe observed the FBI agent. He had seen how the Agent kept pushing Raymond away.

She threw her hands up in the air, getting frustrated with the conversation. "Fine, blame me." She exclaimed.

"This is not about blame." He paused for a moment. "Are you sure you want him gone for good?" He asked again.

She looked up into the sky as if it held her answers. "No." She finally said. "I don't want him to go."

"Tell him."

"I already did." She hung her head in defeat. "I promised I would no longer use him as my punching bag, yet I did. I keep getting angry at him, because I'm so afraid he will leave me too. So I push and push until I am alone."

Stepping closer to her, Dembe placed his big hand on her shoulder. "Raymond loves you. Don't let him walk away."

TBC...


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Thank you for all the reviews. In this chapter they are finally taking a step forward. I hope you enjoy this chapters. Reviews are greatly appreciated.

 **Chapter six**

"Did you just sent Dembe away?" He'd watched Lizzie and Dembe talking to each other from his bedroom window. He hadn't intervened though he could have. He'd seen her get frustrated but Dembe, who had a calming effect on almost everyone, had calmed her down. He wondered what Dembe had said to make her change her mind.

"I did." She hoped she sounded more confident than she felt. She shivered from the cold and turned around to look at him.

"Come inside. You look cold." Red said holding the front door open for her.

She nodded at him and quickly passed him to get into the cabin. She watched Red start a fire and saw how it started to illuminate the living room. She shrugged his coat off and quietly curled up on the couch. She smiled shyly when Red put a thick blanket around her. She didn't understand this man who never seemed to stop caring for her. Why? She didn't deserve this kind of dedication. She didn't know how to deal with it. How could he still care for her after the way she'd treated him. "Why do you care?" She whispered. "How can you still care?" She swallowed thickly, trying to swallow away the emotions that were surfacing.

"Because I will always care about you Elizabeth. Always." He watched her struggle with her emotions and he wanted to go to her but he didn't. It was the first time since arriving here that she was showing her struggle. So far she'd only showed anger.

"I don't understand. I've been awful to you for weeks. Yet whenever I fall you're there to catch me, time and time again. How can you keep doing that? I don't deserve that. I don't deserve your care." She ran her hand through her hair.

Red moved to the edge of his seat, but still didn't touch her. She would have to come to him. "You deserve everything you wish for."

"I'm not sure that's true." She admitted.

"Why not?"

She stayed silent. She was unsure how to answer that question or maybe she didn't want to "I'm sorry, Red. I… really am."

"For what?"

"For the way I've been treating you. For blaming you for everything. You were never at fault."

"I'm not sure that's entirely true." He said to her. "I'm far from innocent."

Lizzie nodded her consent. She was silent again and looked at him. "You called Cooper and ended the taskforce."

Red nodded and waited for her to continue. He watched her mull over her thoughts. He sat back and crossed one leg over another, waiting patiently for Lizzie to start.

"Is that what you want? To end the taskforce? Not work with me anymore?" Her voice turned soft and small.

"It's not about what I want. I've said this to you before. There's no fun in it for me when you're not there. But there's also no fun if we're enemies."

"Is that what you feel? That we're enemies?" She swallowed thickly. Once again she was trying to keep control of her emotions.

Red contemplated his next words. He knew he had to choose his words carefully. He had promised himself and her that he would never lie to her. "Sometimes it does." He admitted. He rubbed his jaw. "We're struggling and I sometimes doubt if we can find our way back."

"You do?" How were they going to get through this if he doubted that they could. She needed him to be her anchor, to guide her back to him, to herself even.

"I do because no matter what I do it never seems to be enough for you. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you yet you doubt if I care. I don't understand that." The nervous tick under his eye was there because he didn't know how she would react to his next words. "You are the first person I think of when I wake up and the last when I go to sleep. You are with me always. When I look at you I see the good and the bad and that thrills me because that makes you who you are. And who you are is the woman who captured my heart." He watched her wipe away the tears. "But why is it, that when you look at me, you only see my flaws?"

The tears were running down her face now. He'd just poured his heart out, showing her how deeply he felt for her and all she'd done was accuse him of everything and anything. She felt horrible about herself and the way she'd treated him. Standing up she tried to calm down a bit. She needed to leave this room. She didn't want him to see her sob uncontrollably. Red noticed her need to flee immediately. It seemed to become one of her trademarks but this time he wouldn't let her. He immediately wrapped her in his arms.

But she struggled, wanting to get away from him. "No." She said weakly. She didn't want him to see her like this. "No." She pushed and fought him to get him to let her go but his arms around her just tightened. She realised she couldn't fight him anymore. She simply wasn't strong enough. She felt her knees give way but his strong arms prevented her from falling. Gently he lifted her up and sat down with her on his lap. Her body shook against his and he felt her tears against his neck. He ran his hands gently up and down her spine and peppered her face with small kisses. Her pain was like a knife to his chest. Yet he hoped that this would be a breakthrough and that letting her pain out would lead to the both of them healing. After a while Lizzie's sobs quietened down and her breathing evened out. Feeling her soft breaths on his neck he leaned back a bit and saw she'd fallen asleep in his arms. Despite the struggles they were dealing with, he cherished this moment that she felt safe enough with him to fall asleep in his arms. "Sleep, sweetheart, I'm here." At his words she seemed to snuggle even closer.

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Thank you for all the reviews and follows. I am glad you liked the last chapter. Here's the next chapter. Red and Lizzie are on the road to recovery. They spend some nice time together in this chapter. I hope you enjoy.

 **Chapter seven**

What it exactly was that woke him, he didn't know. He was disoriented though, not only due to the fact he'd been sleeping upright and his back was hurting, but more so due to the weight in his arms and against his body. Lizzie he immediately thought. She'd fallen asleep in his arms and apparently he'd fallen asleep too. Though her tears had dried a while ago the anguish on her beautiful face was still there. He hurt for her and what she was going through. He hoped though that their last argument would be a break through. She hadn't really reacted to his declaration of love and though he understood, part of him hurt. She was the only person in his life that could leave him feeling utterly exposed and vulnerable. She clearly didn't know the power she held over him.

Staying on the couch wasn't an option for either of them. He didn't want to wake her up. He wanted her to have a good night's rest. Securing her in his arms he carefully stood up. Sensing the movement Lizzie started to murmur in her sleep. "It's okay." Red whispered softly and she immediately settled down in his arms. Gently and softly he carried her through the living room, up the stairs and to her bedroom. Lowering her onto the bed Lizzie stirred again.

"Red." She whispered in her sleep. "Red." She said once more, this time a little distressed.

Immediately he stroked her hair, hoping it would reassure her. It did. She sighed softly and seemed to settle down. He was glad that at least in her subconscious he was a reassuring presence for her. He was reluctant to leave her, to loose the feel of having her in his arms. But he had to leave. "Sweet dreams." He whispered, allowing himself to run his hand through her hair one last time.

Lizzie woke up that morning and felt like she'd finally gotten a good night's rest. She didn't remember getting into bed. Last she remembered was crying her heart out to Red and how he'd held her in his strong arms. She groaned and turned on her back. He had bared his soul to her and she'd reacted by falling apart. Yet it was his confession of love that made it clear it was safe for her to let him in. She took a quick shower and pulled on some jeans, long sleeve shirt and a long vest. On her way to the kitchen she didn't see Red anywhere. Preparing a cup of tea for herself she didn't hear him join her in the kitchen.

"Good morning." Red greeted her as he walked closer and leaned against the kitchen counter. "How did you sleep?"

"Good." She said softly.

He observed her for a moment. He liked her casual look with those jeans and the long vest. She looked rested, her eyes showing no anger or sadness. It reassured him that last night had really been a breakthrough. But he also saw she was nervous and he understood. He also noticed something else in her eyes, something he didn't want her to feel at all. "Don't feel ashamed." He said acknowledging the shame he saw. "There's nothing to feel uncomfortable about."

"That's easy for you to say. You didn't break down like I did."

"It isn't any easier to see someone you care so deeply about fall apart." He gave her a pointed look and saw her small nod.

"How do we.."

"Proceed?" He finished for her.

"Yeah."

"One step at a time and trust in each other."

She nodded her agreement. She mirrored his position against the other counter and looked at him. He was wearing jeans and a thick sweater. She ignored the urge to cuddle up against him. She felt calm for the first time since their arrival.

He let her watch him and smiled at her when he saw her look at him with a soft smile on her face. "How about after breakfast we take a walk. It's beautiful here and you haven't truly enjoyed it yet."

"I'd like that."

"Go sit down. I'll make you breakfast. You need start eating well again."

Before she sat down she stopped Red from walking past her to the fridge. She grabbed his wrist. "Red?" She waited for him to look at her. She pulled on his wrist, leaned on her toes and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you." Her words, though muffled by his chest, were loud enough for him to hear.

"You're welcome, Lizzie." He kissed her hair and tightened his arms around her for a moment. He was thrilled that she was seeking out his comfort once again.

Closing the cabin door behind them, Red turned to Lizzie as she waited for him. He pulled on his leather gloves and with her at his side they began their walk. It was cold but with already a bit of sun shining through the trees it was a nice day. He knew a good path that lead along the small lake and through the woods. He glanced at her as she walked next to him. Her hands in her pockets, her coat buttoned up and the collar upright to keep the cold away. She had a thick scarf wrapped around her neck and on her head a knit beanie cap. He liked the way it looked on her.

"It's beautiful here." Lizzie started. "How long have you owned this place?"

"A couple of years now. I like it here. I like the peace and quiet and the surroundings. It's my escape from the world. I feel comfortable here."

She nodded. She understood. This place was an escape from their daily hustle and bustle. "I bet it looks beautiful in summer too."

"It does."

"You go out on the lake with the boat to fish?" She asked.

"Sometimes to fish, other times I just like to get out there on the lake. I've always enjoyed being in or on the water. It has a certain sense of freedom."

They walked in silence some more. She was glad there was no awkwardness between them after last night. She had him to thank for that. No matter what he always seemed to be able to calm her down.

"I've never brought anyone else here. I've always been here alone." He needed her to know that he'd never shared his sanctuary with anyone else before. "I brought you here in the hope it would be as much as a sanctuary for you as it is for you."

"It is." She glanced at him and saw him watch their surroundings. She walked a bit closer to him and hesitantly reached for his hand. He looked at her, surprise written all over his face. She smiled shyly at him. "Thank you." She said acknowledging what he'd just shared with her and thanking him for bringing her to the cabin.

TBC...


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews and follows. Here is the next chapter. It is more or less a filler chapter. Red and Lizzie connect by spending some time together. I hope you like it. Reviews are always appreciated.

 **Chapter eight**

Their long walk was a pleasant one. Nothing truly significant was talked about but they started to reconnect again. Red, always a good story teller, told her what he knew about their surroundings and the times he'd spent there. Apparently he hadn't spend as much time at the cabin as he'd wanted. Work always kept him busy. But now, for the first time in months, he was able to spend time here and that he was happy to share his refuge with her. Lizzie shared stories about the holidays she had with Sam and how much she still missed her father. Back at the cabin, Red told Lizzie they needed some more supplies and asked if she wanted to join him to the small town nearby.

They drove into the village in relative silence. The only comments were made about the scenery that Lizzie watched closely. Though she'd slept well she still felt tired. Red had told her he wanted to get groceries for the next couple of days so they wouldn't have to leave the cabin. Red parked the car at the village centre and got out to open the door for Lizzie. She smiled her thanks. She waited for Red to lead the way which he did so immediately but not before he took her hand in his. He smiled at her surprised look. He gently pulled on her hand to get her to follow him. Lizzie observed him as he made his way to the baker and the butcher. He talked with the baker and the butcher who both pulled him in a quick hug. As he talked to them Lizzie wandered through the adjoined shops and made her way outside where she waited for him. Red joined her outside with a bag in each hand. He led her to the green grocer for the next purchases. As she watched she wondered if he was expecting company. There was no way they could eat all that with just the two of them. The thought of having company didn't sit well with her. She didn't feel like socialising. She just wanted it to be her and Red, just the two of them. When he joined her again Red sensed her discomfort. With his hands full he couldn't take hold of her hand. Walking back to the car he asked her about it.

"What's wrong?"

She shrugged and watched him put the groceries away. She didn't want to seem too clingy. She didn't want to destroy their fragile balance.

He was disappointed that she seemed unwilling to share her thoughts. He moved closer to her until her back hit the closed car door. She couldn't get away now and that suited him just fine. He put his hands on the door, next to her shoulders, boxing her in. He lowered his head to try and catch her eyes. "Sweetheart." He said softly.

She looked at him. This was the first time since a few days that he called her sweetheart. It immediately warmed her. "You called me sweetheart." She looked away for a moment. "You haven't called me that in a few days."

It occurred to him that she was right. He hadn't called her that ever since they'd arrived at the cabin. He'd been so angry with her that he'd refused to call her sweetheart. But she always was and would be his sweetheart. "Is that okay?" He asked.

She smiled at him. "I like it when you call me sweetheart." She blushed.

"And I like calling you sweetheart." He leaned closer to her. "Want to tell me now what made you uncomfortable?"

"Are you expecting company?"

He didn't understand where that question was coming from. "Why do you think so?"

"Because you bought so many groceries."

"It's for us, for the next couple of days. I don't want to go into town every other day." He tilted his head to the side. He had another question for her. "Why does the thought of company make you so uncomfortable?"

"I just want to be alone with you." She muttered softly.

He smiled at her. She seemed to feel embarrassed by her words, but they warmed him. She wanted it just to be the two of them and that's what he wanted too. "I don't want any company either."

"Good." She smiled, glad to be on the same page with him.

"Now we need to buy you some clothes. You didn't pack enough clothes to spend some time here. You need warm and comfortable clothes."

She was going shopping with Red. It seemed a bit odd. He was right. She did need more clothes and especially warm clothes. She wondered what shopping with Red would be like. He probably only went to his personal tailor.

"I know a great boutique for you."

She let him lead the way and hoped the boutique wasn't too expensive. She couldn't afford to spend as much on clothes as he did. She also didn't want him to buy her clothes. He already did so much for her. "I don't have the same budget as you for clothes." She said when they stopped in front of the boutique. Though it didn't look too expensive, she still wondered if she could afford it.

He looked at her and saw that familiar stubborn look in her eyes. "I know." He reassured her. He knew she wouldn't like it if he would suggest to pay for everything. She was too independent for that and he wouldn't want her any other way. "It'll be okay." He said as he opened the door for her. In the store he remained a bit on the background, not wanting to crowd her and let her wander through the different racks of clothes. He knew that when she would see the kind of clothes they had here and the prices she would feel more willing to hear his suggestions.

She looked at some of the clothes that caught her eyes and saw that she could indeed afford them. It settled her mind. Relaxed now she enjoyed the search for new clothes. She looked at Red for a moment and saw him watching her closely. He nodded at her. With a nod of her head she gestured him to come closer. "I kind of expected you to play a more active part. You've always been quite vocal about the fact that you didn't agree with my choices."

He looked apologetic at her. He hoped his remarks about her choice of clothes hadn't hurt her. That never was his intention. "I'm certain you can manage. However if you need a hand changing I am always willing and ready to help."

She laughed at him. "I'm sure you are." She watched him take a seat near the dressing rooms and continued her search for new clothes.

TBC...


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Here's chapter nine. I hope you still enjoy this fic. A review is always appreciated. In this chapter, Lizzie shops for clothes and gets jealous.

 **Chapter nine**

She finally made her way to the dressing rooms with quite a few items in her hands. While she'd picked out clothes Red had remained silent. Yet every item she held in her hands she asked herself if it was something he would like. The clothes she'd picked were all practical and warm for the cold weather. No dresses or skirts and she wondered if he had noticed and what he thought about that.

"I'm looking forward to you showing me all your outfits." Red said before Lizzie stepped into the dressing room.

She looked at herself in the mirror. The long dark red vest and faded grey chino's looked nice. Beneath the vest she wore a simple black blouse. She liked the vest and pants a lot and they fitted her nicely. Maybe she should choose something different instead of the black blouse. Lizzie opened the dressing room curtain to ask Red what his thoughts were. However Red was not seated in the chair opposite to her dressing room. Taking a few steps out of the dressing room she spotted him. He was talking to a tall brunette who was standing far too close to him for Lizzie's liking. Red didn't seem to mind. She saw him touch the woman's elbow briefly. It hurt that he'd lost interest already. Quietly she made her way back to the dressing room and closed the curtain behind her. She sat down on the small stool and put her head in her hands. Her good mood was gone and her anger and hurt were back again. She took a deep breath, stood up and changed back into her own clothes. With the clothes draped over her arms again she opened the curtain.

"You've already tried everything on?" Red asked, this time seated in the chair that Lizzie had expected him in before. "You haven't showed me anything." He pouted.

Not charmed by his pouting, Lizzie got angry. "Clearly you were too busy."

He heard the anger in her voice and immediately prepared himself for a fight. He guessed she was referring to his talk with Alicia, the owner of the boutique. She was the daughter of the butcher which was why he knew her. Yes she had flirted with him, but he hadn't engaged in the flirting at all. He'd asked her to give Lizzie a discount and that he would pay the difference. He'd also asked her to help Lizzie out with anything she needed. "I'm sorry." He apologised. "I had some questions for Alicia."

"I'm sure Alicia was more than willing to help."

Speak of the devil, Lizzie thought as she watched the woman join them. "I see you picked out some beautiful items. Let's see how they look on you." Alicia seemed to be ignorant to the tension between the two and guided Lizzie back into the dressing room.

Reluctantly she started changing into the new clothes again. She didn't really know why she let Alicia order her around like that nor did she know why she so easily accepted his behaviour. Part of her was still angry with him, but she knew that lashing out in anger was something she'd done too often lately. Red didn't deserve that despite the fact that she didn't like how Alicia had practically been draped all over him. If they were really

going to move forward she would need to deal with that anger. She changed into the long red vest again and the faded grey chinos. She once again opted for the simple black blouse but was still unsure if it was the right choice. She looked at herself in the mirror in the dressing room. She still liked the vest and pants a lot. She didn't feel like showing Red the outfit though.

"Don't be shy. Show us what you got." Alicia called out to her. Lizzie sighed in frustration.

She took an extra moment to calm down before she opened the curtain and stepped out. She fidgeted with the sleeves of her vest unsure of what to expect. She quickly turned her back to Red to look at herself in the mirror. Alicia immediately walked up to her, stopped behind Lizzie and seemed to scrutinize her appearance.

"That blouse is not working for you. The rest looks good on you." She turned and walked back into her store. "I'll find you something more suitable." She said over her shoulder.

Lizzie was about to step back inside her dressing room, her safe haven, away from Red's prying eyes, when he stopped her. "You haven't given me a chance to look at you." His voice was deep, warm and it made her shiver.

He stepped up to her until his chest almost touched her back. He looked at her in the mirror, their eyes locked. "I love the way you look in this long red vest. Red most definitely suits you."

She didn't quite know what to say but her blush said it all. She looked away and before she closed the curtain she muttered a thank you.

A good half an hour later and many outfit changes later Lizzie had finally picked her outfits. Halfway through she'd been already done with it, but Alicia had ignored her protest and just shoved more outfits in her hands. She refused to take the woman's suggestions though. Alicia picked out outfits that were more revealing than she felt comfortable with. It was winter, it was freezing, she wasn't going to walk around in a blouse or shirt that was very low cut. No, she opted for warm, comfortable clothes that were still feminine. Whenever she showed an outfit she watched Red's reaction carefully. He seemed to like the more revealing outfits better than the ones she'd picked, but she was the one wearing the clothes, not him.

Back in her own clothes she left Red alone in the dressing room. She still needed to buy underwear and she didn't need his help with that and had told him so. She took her time picking out some nice sets and couldn't help herself from thinking what Red would like. She knew she was presumptuous, but it was how she felt. Holding red lace in her hands she remembered his words. Feeling bold she decided to add this to her other choices. She quickly put her items at the cash registry and paid for them. She didn't want Red to see just yet what she'd bought.

"There is one more item to shop for." Red said from behind Lizzie.

Startled, she turned around. She quickly grabbed the bag with her underwear in her hands. She thought what it was that she would still need. She couldn't think of anything nor did she feel like trying on more clothes. "I think I'm done for today."

Red shook his head. His eyes went to the shopping bag that held the underwear she'd bought. It had taken quite a bit of effort to not help her out and make suggestions. But he knew that would be too much too soon. He didn't want to scare her off. "You still need to by a bathing suit."

"Excuse me?" Lizzie exclaimed. "Why would I need a bathing suit? It's freezing. It's winter."

"There's a great hot tub on the porch and it would be a shame if we didn't use it. Wouldn't you like to soak in it?" He paused for a moment. "Or would you prefer to go nude?"

She swallowed thickly at his words which he had uttered in that low voice of his, the tone that brought shivers to her body. She hadn't noticed the hot tub when she'd explored the house. She would love to have a soak in it. "Did you bring your swim shorts?"

"Mm…" Red nodded. "I did. Though I have no objections to skipping my swim shorts entirely."

"I don't doubt that." She huffed. "I'll go…" She felt a bit unsure. "I'll go look for something."

"I'm sure Alicia would be willing to help." He was already waving Alicia over.

"No." Lizzie grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand down. "I can manage myself."

There wasn't much to choose from, but Lizzie found a few nice bathing suits and tried them on. She eventually chose a simple blue bikini. When she stepped out of the dressing rooms and walked back into the boutique to pay for everything she spotted Red talking to Alicia again. As she got closer she heard parts of the conversation.

"It's such a great place." She heard Alicia say. "And that hot tub." She practically purred in Red's ear. "Such a good buy."

The anger and jealousy she felt not too long ago was back again. He'd told her he'd never brought anyone to his cabin. That she'd been the only one whom he had shared his refuge with. Clearly he'd been lying. Apparently Alicia had been at the cabin and clearly they'd enjoyed the hot tub together.

"Aah there you are Lizzie." Red said when he spotted her. "Did you find something appropriate? Though I hope it's something that's hardly appropriate." He teased.

"Yes I did though I doubt I will need it." She quickly paid for everything. The price of it all surprised her but it didn't truly register with her. With her hands full of several bags, she practically stormed out of the store.

TBC..


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Despite the awful turn the show has made by making it the TK show, I will not abandon this ship. I have abandoned this show and will no longer watch it. Even the brilliant and gorgeous Spader cannot bring me back. But I love this ship and love these character so I will write my version of these two. And I hope you fellow shippers also won't abandon ship. In this chapter Lizzie draws the wrong conclusion and insults Red. So a little bit of angst... I hope you like it. Reviews would be appreciated.

 **Chapter ten**

Red, surprised by Lizzie's sudden and quick departure, paid the discount they'd gotten. He thanked Alicia and hurried after Lizzie. He found her waiting for him at his car. He opened the car with the remote and she quickly took her seat on the passenger's side. Red took his seat behind the wheel, started the car and drove away. He didn't have to wait long to find out what caused her sudden departure.

"How do you know, Alicia?" Her curiosity got the best of her and she couldn't stay silent for long.

"She's Robert's daughter."

"Who's Robert?"

"He's the butcher." It still wasn't clear to him why she'd left.

"You dated her?"

"No, I did not." He looked at her briefly before focusing back on the road. "Where is this coming from?"

"So it was one night then?" She concluded.

"What was?" He didn't understand what she was saying.

Lizzie looked at the scenery. She didn't know how to interpret Red's words. Was he playing her or did he really not know what she was talking about? "You told me I was the only one you'd ever taken to the cabin. The only one you'd shared your refuge with."

"Yes."

"Why are you lying to me?" She finally asked.

Her words almost made him step on the breaks and stop the car in the middle of the road. "I have never lied to you." Part of him was offended by her accusation, but he needed to let her explain.

"I heard you Red."

"Heard what?"

"I heard you talking with Alicia. She was saying that you had such a great place and the hot tub was such a great buy." Her voice took on a whiny tone, imitating and exaggerating Alicia's voice.

Red laughed at the ridiculousness of Lizzie's interpretation of what had occurred.

"Why are you laughing? Is this a joke to you? Am I a joke to you?" By now she had raised her voice.

"No, you are not a joke." Red tried to calm her down. "Yet what you think happened is."

"How? Are you saying I'm lying? That Alicia didn't utter those words? I know what I heard Red."

"I'm saying you're drawing the wrong conclusion." He looked at her again. "You think Alicia's been at the cabin and that I slept with her."

"Yes." She looked at his profile.

"Alicia has never been at the cabin, nor has she been in the hot tub and she has never been in my bed." He didn't give her time to react to his words. "Where is this habit of drawing those quick and wrong conclusions coming from? Have I ever lied to you or given you any reason to distrust me? I don't think so. I deserve more than that."

"She was all over you and you clearly didn't mind. She had your attention and not me. I stood there and you were nowhere in sight. You were too busy with Alicia."

She was right about one thing. He had left her alone in the dressing room to talk to Alicia. "I apologise. I had some business to finish with Alicia. But that was it, business, nothing else." He glanced at her. "Do you believe me?"

Lizzie nodded but didn't answer and Red had his eyes on the road. So he asked again. "Lizzie, do you believe me?"

"I guess so."

Red looked in the rear view mirror before he stopped the car on the side of the road. He turned off the engine and unbuckled the seatbelt. He turned to her. "Why don't you believe me?"

"I do." She hesitated.

"But?" He wanted to know why she was so hesitant.

She bowed her head. "Alicia, she's a very beautiful woman. I understand that she…catches your eye." She'd expected a reaction for him already but he hadn't said anything yet.

Red took a few calming breaths. "What kind of man do you think I am?" He questioned her.

"What do you mean?" Lizzie's voice was small, soft.

"Do you think I would declare my love for you and then turn to another woman? Is that how little faith you have in me?" Red buckled up again and started the car. He watched the road, seeing no traffic, he steered back onto it. He continued their way to the cabin in silence.

"I have faith in you. I just have no faith in me." Lizzie whispered. With the little bit of courage she felt she continued. "I see how women react to you. When you enter a room you command attention and you ooze confidence. Women react to that and you like that attention. You like flirting with women. Admit it."

He couldn't really deny that he liked the attention and the flirting but it had been a long time since the flirting had led to anything more. "Be that as it may. Have you ever seen me take the flirting any further?" He asked her. When she didn't answer he continued. "I haven't, not for a long time. Not since I realised the depth of my feelings for you." They were approaching the cabin. "And even if I had engaged in flirting in the past how would that be wrong? You never showed any interest. You always seemed somewhat disgusted. So please tell me how I should have known it bothered you." He parked the car and got out. He grabbed the groceries from the trunk and walked to the cabin.

TBC...


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** Here's chapter eleven. Lizzie talks with Red but Red is doing most of the talking. Will Lizzie finally step up? For those who are still reading thank you! For those who are reading and reviewing, I appreciate each and every review! I hope you enjoy this chapter.

 **Chapter eleven**

Lizzie entered the cabin quietly. Following the noise she heard from the kitchen she carefully joined him there. She really wasn't sure what to say. He'd been right. She'd never shown any interest in him. She'd made sure she kept her attraction to him a secret. She had no right to call him out on his behaviour.

"I'm sorry, Red." She said.

Red sighed and hung his head. He heard the defeat in her words and he didn't want her to feel that at all. He decided to tell her about Alicia. "I made an agreement with Alicia. She agreed to give you a discount on the clothes you bought. I paid the difference. That's what we were talking about."

"Why didn't you tell me?" If she had known she wouldn't have reacted like that.

"I am all too familiar with your need for independence, Elizabeth as with your need to lash out." He turned around and leaned against the counted. "I've told you before I'm done with that." He ran his hand over his head. "I need something from you. I can't keep on giving. I need some reassurance too."

"When I feel insecure I lash out. You're often at the receiving end of my temper because you are most of the time the source of my insecurity." She started. She knew it was only fair to share, though it wasn't easy for her.

"I don't understand." He looked away for a moment. "I don't ever want you to feel insecure with me. Why…?" He asked.

"Because you're you and I'm me. You're larger than life Red. The people you surround yourself with are larger than life. How can I compete with that?"

He titled his head to the side. "Why do you say that?"

"Say what?"

"That you feel like you're competing." He busied himself with storing away the rest of the groceries. "I don't understand. I really don't." How could she ever think there was any form of competition? Didn't she know by now that when it came to her, there was no competition at all?

"I'm sorry, Red."

"I'm not asking for an apology." He looked over his shoulder at her. "Why do you feel like you're competing?" He asked again.

"Because how can I ever be enough for the great Raymond Reddington?" She exclaimed.

"How can you ever think you won't be enough?" He said just as loud. He took a calming breath. He didn't want this to turn into a fight, not when she was opening up. He knew that she could just as easily shut him out. "Every day that I have you in my life is a gift to me. I cherish the moments we share and I expect nothing in return. I often question myself if I deserve you and I know the answer to that question all too well." He looked at her again. "Here I am doing all the talking again when you remain quiet. Why is that?"

"Because you're a chatterbox." Lizzie grinned. Seeing Red's raised eyebrow at her joke, she turned serious again. "Talking is easier for you then me."

"You choose to remain silent. It's not easy for me, but for us to get anywhere we need to talk. I can't do this on my own." He kept talking about them as if they had a future together but he wasn't sure that was true. She still hadn't told him what she felt for him. He needed to know. Only then would he be willing to keep fighting. "I need to know how you feel."

"About what?" Lizzie asked. She saw her innocent act wasn't fooling him and it even seemed to anger him.

"Don't be like this, Elizabeth. You know what I mean, but I am not going to drag it out of you. You either tell me freely or you don't. I'm not going to keep pushing. I've laid my cards on the table, yet you continue to keep them guarded. There's nothing more I can do, but I will tell you this. I'm not going to let you continue playing with my heart. At some point I'm going to need to protect myself and I will walk away." Before he left her alone in the kitchen he let his hand linger on her shoulder. His need to touch her, to feel her, despite their arguments, always burned within him.

Not for the first time she watched him walk away. These last few days, and maybe even longer than that, it had been a one way street. Red kept on giving her bits and pieces of himself and she'd been nothing but angry and surly towards him. She'd given him nothing. It would be only logical that at some point he would walk away. She was surprised he hadn't left her already. But wasn't that part of her problem? She kept pushing people away who got too close to her heart. Loving people hurt, left her feeling exposed and vulnerable. Feelings she had trouble dealing with. Pushing people away was the easiest solution because when they left, and she was sure they always would, it wouldn't hurt as much.

But what if Red left her life? Wouldn't that hurt her immensely? She was sure it would. If it would already cause her so much pain now what would it feel like if she truly let herself love him and let him love her? She wasn't sure if she could handle that.

On the other hand, what if being with Red could bring her the love she'd been looking for, for so long. The love she'd yearned for with Tom but had left her heart ripped apart and uncertain if it truly existed. What if it did with Red? Could he offer her true happiness? Could she do the same for him? Could she be enough for him? Enough for him to stay? He wondered if he deserved her, but she struggled with the exact same question. Did she deserve him? She wasn't so sure.

TBC...


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** My apologies for the time it took me to update this one. I struggled with the direction this one should take. I didn't want it to get too angsty. So they talk a bit and then a bit more lighted conversation. I hope despite the long wait you will still hang in there with me. Thank you for the reviews. I greatly appreciate them.

 **Chapter twelve**

It was the beginning of the evening and Liz had waited for Red to return to the cabin, but he hadn't. Starting to get hungry she'd prepared dinner which was now finished. In search of him she found him in the shed, working on the boat again.

"Dinner's ready." She said to him.

He looked up from the boat he was working on. He had to admit he was happy to see her again. When they were apart, at odds or not, he always missed her. As if part of him was missing. He wiped his hands on the towel. "You can cook?"

"I can, though I prefer others doing the cooking." She looked at the boat he was working on. "What's wrong with the boat?"

"So far not much. Just checking it over so it will be ready for summer." Putting his tools away he looked at her. Something was on her mind and he wondered when she was going to share.

"Shall we go?" She asked, nodding to the door. She'd prepared a simple steak dinner with a salad.

"I know I haven't been fair to you." Lizzie started as they sat down.

"I just don't understand your need to constantly question everything I say or do."

She looked away from him for a few seconds. "It's easier."

Red took a bite and waited patiently for her to continue.

"I'm afraid that if I acknowledge what's happening then it'll be real and I don't know if I can handle real."

"You underestimate yourself."

"No, you think too much of me. I'm not… I'm just not that strong, Red."

"What is it that you don't want to acknowledge?"

"That you are more important to me that I'm willing to admit."

He smiled. "Why is that a bad thing?"

"Because people I care about get hurt or walk out of my life." Lizzie looked at her plate and pushed her salad around with her fork. "It's safer to keep a distance."

"Does it hurt less?"

"What does?" She pushed her plate away. She didn't feel like eating anymore.

"Lizzie." Red warned her. She wasn't fooling him by answering his question with another question.

"No." She admitted. It wasn't any easier. "But maybe it won't hurt so much over time." She shrugged trying to act indifferent. "It sure as hell won't hurt as much as losing you." She whispered.

He smiled at her even though she wasn't looking at him. He slid his plate of food aside, pushed his chair back and stood up, walking towards her. He kneeled in front of her, pushed her away from the table and put her hands on her knees.

"Red? What?" She'd been so lost in thought that she hadn't seen him approach her.

"Come here." He said softly. He gently put his hands on her waist, his intention obvious. He would leave it up to her to make the next move.

She did so without hesitation. She threw herself into his arms and made him lose his balance and they fell backwards onto the floor with his Lizzie on top of him in his arms. There wrapped safely in his strong arms Lizzie finally let it all go. She let her tears fall freely.

"It's not as difficult as you make it out to be." Red whispered in her ear. He kept rubbing her back softly and waited for her to calm down. "Come on, let's continue with dinner okay?" He suggested when she'd finally calmed down. "After all, I need to enjoy those few times that you cook for me." That earned him a small smile. He held out his hands for her and helped her back up her feet. He hugged her to him for a brief moment before letting go.

Taking their seats again she looked at him from across the table with a shy smile which he answered with a soft smile before he started eating again giving Lizzie some time to regroup. The rest of their dinner was spent in silence but it was neither strained nor uncomfortable.

"How about we watch a movie?" Red asked later that evening. He'd just started the fire. He wanted to have a relaxing evening with Lizzie at his side.

"Sure." Lizzie strolled into the living room.

Turning towards her he started at Lizzie for a moment. "You changed." He noticed.

Feeling a bit insecure with the way he looked at her, she played with the edge of his hooded vest that she'd chosen to wear. "Yeah…I…" She searched for the right words. "I like the way it feels, warm, comfortable." She started to unzip it. "Do you want it back?"

"No." He stopped her from taking the vest off. "I like the way it looks on you." When she zipped the vest up again he smiled. "Keep it. It looks better on you than on me."

"Ooh I doubt that." Lizzie muttered. She really enjoyed Red's more casual look. That didn't mean she didn't like the suits. No man looked as good in a suit as Red but then again no one looked as good in casual clothes as Red did either.

"What are we going to watch? Where do you even have the movies?" Lizzie looked around the living room.

"I don't have a lot, just a few." He pointed at a drawer.

"You got The Bodyguard?" Lizzie exclaimed. She held the DVD up and grinned at him.

"It was a gift." He hoped she didn't want to know more.

"Tell me more." She immediately said.

"It's nothing." He walked towards the kitchen. "What do you want to drink?"

"No." Lizzie shook her head. "Not gonna happen. Tell me the story about the gift first." She blocked his way to the kitchen.

"Fine." Red relented reluctantly.

"Who gave it to you?" She asked when Red stayed silent.

"Dembe."

"Dembe?" Liz smiled. This was good. She could check with Dembe if Red was telling the truth. "This is great. I can ask Dembe if you're being truthful."

Red looked at her. "I've never lied to you, Elizabeth. Nor will I ever." He said serious.

She nodded at him. "I know." She said just serious. "Now, tell?" She smiled at him.

"He gave to me because it reminded him of something." Maybe if he stayed vague he could get away with not telling everything,

"That's not going to work, Red." She saw right through his weak attempt. "What did it remind him of?"

Red looked away from her and muttered something.

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?" She grinned at him.

"Dembe gave it to me because it reminded him of you and me." He hoped he'd said it fast enough so she hadn't fully understood it. However looking at the big smile on her face he knew she had.

"Dembe thinks we're like The Bodyguard? So you're my Frank and I'm your Rachel."

"Who?" Red asked.

"You've never watched the movie?" She saw him shake his head. "It's settled then. We're going to watch the movie and then you can tell Dembe if he was right."

"But you've already seen it."

"I like this movie. I don't mind watching it again." She sat down on the couch. "I'd like a cup of tea, please."

TBC...


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Here's the next chapter. Red and Lizzie evaluate the Bodyguard and grow closer. I hope you enjoy it. Reviews and follows are greatly appreciated.

 **Chapter thirteen**

"So, what did you think?" Lizzie asked as she watched the credits on the screen. She was comfortable, sitting here on the couch next to Red. She wasn't leaning against him, but they were close enough for her to feel his body heat. She was feeling a bit more relaxed and that was mostly due to Red who made sure she was at ease.

"It wasn't bad."

"Not bad?" Lizzie exclaimed. "Come on you can do better than that." She bumped her shoulder against his. Not wanting the small distance between them anymore Red wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her against his side.

"It was an okay movie." He said again. "Not sure if we're like Frank and Rachel though." He grinned. "I'm pretty sure you're no Rachel."

"Hey." Lizzie poked him in his belly.

Red grabbed her hand and entwined their fingers. He softly kissed her hair and inhaled her scent. With her in his arms he felt at peace.

"You're no Frank either, mister." She said as she lay her head on his shoulder.

"Excuse me? Why not?"

"Protecting someone would never be a job to you."

"It isn't." He admitted.

"But you would sacrifice your own life for someone you love." Lizzie said softly.

"I would." There was no sense in denying. Both knew he would give his life for her, yet she would do the same.

"Do you think they got back together?" Lizzie asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I don't know. Would you like them to get together?"

"When I first saw the movie I didn't like the way it ended. But now…, sometimes things are just not meant to be."

"That's true." He softly caressed her arm. "So should we tell Dembe he did good?"

Lizzie hummed her agreement. "Red?"

"Yes, sweetheart."

"Thank you." She let go of his hand and started playing with his fingers. "Thank you for not giving up on me. Even when I blamed you for everything and anything. I treated you so badly. I've been awful. I don't know how you did it."

"You know how, Lizzie." He interrupted her.

She stayed silent. She knew why and only now she was starting to accept that. "Thank you." She whispered again.

"So what was your favourite scene?" He wanted to lighten the mood. He didn't want her to get lost in her thoughts of the past.

She immediately thought of the scene with the samurai sword and the scarf, but kept silent. She was glad he couldn't see her otherwise he'd see her blush and would surely call her on it. "I like it when they are all together at the cabin but my favourite scene is when she's performing at the club and someone gets on stage. Frank wants to get to her but she stops him by holding her hand up and continues to sing. When things go wrong though he comes for her, lifts her and carries her in his arms, away from any harm. That's when she realizes she needs him and he's there for her. She accepts him then. She's safe, protected."

He hadn't expected this kind of answer. There was some kind of longing in it. "You like the idea of being protected, feeling safe?"

"I do."

He was surprised. He'd tried with all he had to protect her, yet she never seemed to accept that side of him. Still it was something she liked, maybe in some way longed for. What did that mean then? That she didn't like it when he wanted to protect her?

When Red stayed silent too long, she knew something was wrong. She rubbed his arm. "What's wrong?"

"You like the idea of being safe and protect, yet you never seemed to accept that from me. You always seemed to push me away harder whenever I tried to protect you." His voice was low and soft.

He was right. He'd always tried to keep her safe but she'd never accepted it. She squeezed his hand and searched for words. "I knew that if I let you protect me, I would have a difficult time letting you go and I knew I would have to eventually." She was hesitant to say her next words, but she knew she needed to. "I've imagined being in your arms," she started. "I knew that…" She played with his fingers again as she tried to continue. "I imagined being in your arms would feel like home, the one place where I would be safe and loved." She swallowed thickly, admitting more than she had intended to. "I couldn't allow myself to… to let you protect me. That's why I pushed you away." She ended her confession in a mere whisper.

His heart beat wildly in his chest because of her words. He wanted her to be at home in his arms. He wanted her to seek him out whenever she needed him, wanted her to turn to him. He wanted her, and he wanted her to want him and it was as simple as that. And now, for the first time, he started to believe that it was possible, that she wanted him too.

He grabbed her legs and pulled her on his lap. He enveloped her in his arms. He closed his eyes and sighed. He held her tight in his arms. Neither said a word, content to be in each other's arms. He kissed her temple. "Lizzie." He whispered, his voice rough with emotion. He didn't want either of them to get overwhelmed. He knew with Lizzie there was still only a fragile balance. He didn't want to push her, wanted her to set the pace. He pushed aside the urge he felt within him to shower her with his love and affection.

"How many times have you seen this movie?"

"A couple of times." She answered. With her head on his chest, Lizzie felt at peace. His strong, solid chest and his arms around her made her feel loved and safe. She had her eyes closed and listened to his steady heartbeat. She took a deep breath and slowly breathed out.

Again neither said a word as they both held each other. Red felt his eyes starting to close. With the feel of her body against his and her warmth sleep was getting the best of him. He tried to fight it, wanted to cherish and hold on to this moment as long as he could, but it was no use. Now that she was no longer fighting him and letting him in he could allow himself to relax and his body knew. They couldn't fall asleep like this on the couch. Neither would be comfortable and they'd be sore the following morning. "Lizzie." He whispered.

She stirred but didn't move. "Mmm.." Was her only sound.

"You're tired, sweetheart."

"I'm comfortable here."

"You'll be more comfortable in your bed."

"I doubt it." She cuddled closer to him.

He smiled at her need to get even closer. He sat up straight and entangled himself from her arms. Her sounds of protest were adorable. "I'll close everything up. Go to bed Lizzie." Carefully, with her still half on his lap, he stood up, taking her with him. He brushed his lips briefly with hers. "Goodnight sweetheart."

"Night, Red." She hugged him once more before she left him alone in the living room.

TBC...


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** Finally here's the next chapter. Time to leave the angst behind. I struggled with this chapter and didn't know how to continue. So I decided to bring in somebody. I hope you like it. Thank you for all who keep hanging in there with me.

 **Chapter fourteen**

She wasn't sure what woke her, nor did she know what time it was, but it was still dark outside. She heard a sound, a scratch followed by a howl. Was that a wolf? She got out of bed, put on her jeans and Red's vest. To be sure she grabbed her gun too. She made sure she passed Red's bedroom quietly. She really didn't want to wake him up. As she headed downstairs she heard the scratching again.

First she opened the front door, holding her gun ready. Not seeing anything at the door she stepped out to be sure there was nothing there. Turning around she made her way back to the door. Just as she was about to grab the door to step inside again it opened.

"Red!" Lizzie exclaimed when she saw him. "Damn, you scared me!" She lowered her gun and stepped inside.

"Same here, Lizzie. What our you doing outside in the middle of the night."

"I heard a sound. Something's out there."

"And you decided it was best to investigate on your own?"

"I can hold my own, okay. You know that."

"I do." He heard she was getting agitated. "You know I do. It's just the two of us here. Just be careful."

Before she could answer she heard the noise again. "See." She followed the noise to the kitchen back door. What she found there was nothing what she'd expected. "Look, Red!"

There huddled on the porch was a dog that reminded her of Hudson. He was black, and his big brown eyes asked for her help. She handed Red her gun and crouched down. "Come here, sweetie." The dog was skinny, wet and shivering. She held out her hand to him, trying to coax her towards her but he shied away from her touch.

"Grab some water please, Red. Maybe he'll come inside." She opened the door and stepped inside, hoping the dog would follow her into the cabin.

Red filled a small bowl with water and put it down just inside the door. It was apparently enough to coax the dog inside. Lizzie quickly closed the door behind her. She looked up at Red and that was when she first noticed his sleep attire. He was shirtless. How come she hadn't spotted that before? He was more muscular than she'd thought. Clearly he hid quite a fine body in those suits. She'd expected him to be in good shape and sure she'd wondered what he'd look like shirtless. She'd even dreamed about it once or twice. She shook her head and swallowed. "You, euuhh… you must be cold, Red." It was best for her and probably for him too, that he put a shirt on. "Maybe you should put a shirt on? Don't want you to catch a cold." She mumbled the last bit and focused back on the dog who had found the water and was now busy lapping it up. He was still shivering too. "Can you grab a big towel too?" She didn't want to scare the dog away so she kept a short distance.

"Sure." He smiled at her. She was completely focused on the dog.

He returned a few minutes later and saw the dog approach Lizzie carefully. He couldn't help but smile when he saw the big smile on her face.

"Hey, sweetie." She cooed at the dog whose tail slightly wagged in response. She looked up to see Red join her and took the offered towel. She let the dog sniff her hand and when he didn't shy away she softly petted him. Seeing he was fine with her touch she wrapped him up in the towel and started to dry him. She looked at Red as he sat down next to her on the kitchen floor. "Do you think someone lost him?"

He looked at her and saw she was already getting attached to the dog who had crawled onto her lap. The dog seemed perfectly content. "I'm sot sure. I think it's a stray."

She looked at the dog in her lap who had happily settled down. "I'm glad he found us. Who knows how long he's been on his own. He must be hungry."

"Are we sure he's a he?" Red asked.

Lizzie nodded. She looked at him noticing that he was now wearing a sweatshirt. He looked comfortable but more than that it felt right to be here with him sitting on the kitchen floor. She reached for his hand and squeezed it, but didn't meet his eyes. "Thank you, Red."

"You're welcome." He saw her eyes beginning to close. Looking at the dog he saw it had fallen asleep already. "Let's go to bed."

"Yeah." As she started to move the dog woke up again. "Ssstt…" She shushed him. She carefully stood up with the dog in her arms. Though he was skinny, he was still heavy.

"Let me." Red said. The dog eyed him wearily as he was being lifted into Red's arms. "Let's get you upstairs, huh." He whispered to him. "We'll put him in your room so he won't be alone."

Together they walked up the stairs to Lizzie's bedroom. "I'll go grab him a blanket to sleep on."

Lizzie watched the dog inspect the room. She'd always loved animals, especially dogs. "I always loved dogs." She started when Red returned. "I begged Sam for one for years. He didn't budge though." She watched Red put the blanket down on the floor next to the bed at the side she slept.

"He's probably hungry." She watched the dog sniff the blanket, circled it three times before lying down and let out a sound that seemed to be a content sigh.

Red crouched down and caressed the dog's back. "We'll get him some food in the morning. He'll be fine for the night." Standing up he looked at her. She was sitting cross legged on the bed. "Goodnight, sweetheart. Promise me you won't go out in the middle of the night on your own again."

"I won't. Goodnight, Red." She watched him leave her room before lying down. She lay awake for a short while when the dog started to softly whine. She turned the lights back on and sat up. The dog had made its way to her side of the bed and was looking up at her expectantly with his big brown eyes. Getting up, she grabbed the blanket from the floor and draped it over the foot end of the bed. "Come on, sweetie. You can sleep here." He immediately jumped on the bed and lay down. Lizzie crawled back into bed and turned the lights off again. Within minutes both fell asleep.

TBC...


End file.
